Dear Appa,
Exactly a year ago, on Sunday October 28th, around 8:40pm amma called me and told me that you were not responding. Dennis and I left our kids with loving friends and rushed to see you. Inspite of numerous calls back and forth with amma during the 3 hour drive, I was in denial that you left to be with Jesus. Reality struck when I walked into your house and saw amma surrounded by many loving people. Very grateful to God for each one of them who made it that night to be with her. The only consolation I’ve always had being so far away from you both was that you were surrounded by people who loved much. You always spoke fondly of them all and just by the joy on your face, I knew how much you loved and enjoyed being with them.
Three days after you left, I sat on your chair and collected my thoughts for your eulogy. I couldn’t but be overwhelmed by God’s gift of you to me.
I remember you as a tall and strong man. Someone I’ve always looked up to. Yes, literally looked up to. I remember my pre-school years - I was close to 1/3rd your height - I used to go to work with you to spend the day. You were so tall that I literally had to stretch my hand up to hold yours during our commute. You used to tilt down a bit and grasp mine tight enough to reassure me that you were with me.
You were a very hard working engineer and you made sure that I grew up to be handy like you. I remember spending summers in your workshop with heavy machinery and greasy hands. You would pass me a spanner or screw driver and encourage me to help fix things around. You instilled analytical thinking and creativity in me. Being around you increased my confidence.
Whenever you travelled for work, you made sure you brought back my favorite bread, jam and potato chips. I always looked forward to those special moments…
From the time I started learning to read, you and amma encouraged me and Vipu to read the Bible and have a quiet time with Jesus every morning. I remember sitting on our balcony in the mornings with you and reading the bible. You would be reading too and you would often look at us and ask us if we had questions or needed help understanding what we were reading. Your thoughts and approach were very simple and lucid. You used to read the hymns to us and expound on their meaning.
I remember summer nights - we spent playing board games on the terrace. Chess was a family favorite and you taught me how to play the game. We used to enjoy dinner on the terrace and one such night when amma was cleaning up after dinner, you were lying down on the terrace. I was around 8 or 9. I went and lay down next to you and told you about a dream that I was pondering about. You patiently listened and helped me understand what God was telling me through the dream. You taught me to be sensitive to God’s whisper and recognize His voice. We ended up discussing Isaiah 35 that night. I still remember it so vividly, appa.
I remember how you stressed on family prayers and church attendance. Growing up, I don’t remember being anywhere else on a Sunday morning other than in church, even if I was sick. You expected us to be dressed in our best and on time. You enjoyed leading, being hospitable, and were always very generous.
You were brilliant in Mathematics. Whenever I came to you with my math homework, you would never solve my problem. You reminded me of the basics and asked questions that would make me think analytically so I can solve the problem myself. I hated it, but eventually began to realize that you were more concerned about my foundation being strong, rather than me just being about to get done with the homework for the night. You helped me enjoy math by always challenging me. I started loving it. Ofcourse, I will have to attribute my love for math to you.
I remember sitting with you in your office and listening to business conversations and board meetings that you were involved in. You were always calm, pleasant, amicable and wise.
You were always looking out for me no matter how old I was. When I drove my two wheeler for the first time on the highway, you followed me all the way to my destination. I didn’t know at first that you were on the road as well following me, but halfway though the drive, I recognized the distinct sound of your motorbike and realized that you were behind me. As I reached my destination and drove in, you waved and drove away to work. You wanted to make sure that I reached my destination safely and confidently.
I remember the time when thatha was in the hospital and I had to drop off dinner for him. It was a forty minute drive. A time when we didn’t have GPS or cellphones. You patiently mapped out the route - the road lengths were proportioned precisely; each of them were labeled; every landmark was marked. And so was the return trip map. You knew every one-way and traffic spots. You knew everything…
When I was sick and confined to bed for almost eight months, you took months off of work and came and stayed with me and took care of me. You cooked, cleaned, took care of Atul, prayed constantly, and did all that you could to make sure I was comfortable. For eleven years, from 2002 to 2013, you drove three hours, every single weekend from NJ to CT to be with us. You used to work till 12am on Saturdays, sleep for about three hours and drive three hours just to spend the weekend with us. I couldn’t tell if you were tired, because you kept us going on Saturdays. I remember you cheering Atul at every baseball, basketball and soccer game he played. Some Saturdays, you used take Atul on a train ride to NYC. He enjoyed those trips. You loved much.
In the four decades God blessed me with you, I have never seen you angry or in distress. You were one of the most easy going people I have ever seen. Whatever be the situation, you always had a smile on your face and never had a doubt that God was with us through it all. You were always ready to help and very generous. You were wealthy in grace and you were given the unsearchable riches of Jesus Christ. You enjoyed studying the word, writing books and took every opportunity to share about Jesus with anyone you met. You had a joyous spirit. You were a man who truly casted all his burdens on Jesus.
You never told us how to live; you lived, and let us watch you do it.
You embodied Father God to us. The way you fathered us, related to us and loved us has greatly helped me embrace the gift of daughterhood with my heavenly Father.
Appa, you were born on a Sunday and you were gone on a Sunday. Little did I know that morning, that God was taking you home. I had no time to say goodbye, you were gone before I came to see you. But I know you’re not gone forever, I will see you again. Appa, Atul and Anya will miss you.
“Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. ”
Appa, you were never shaken and you will be remembered forever.
Yesterday being the eve of your anniversary, I went to your grave side. It was like finding my place on your couch. I stood proud and sang your favorite hymn. You lived this -
“All the way my Savior leads me,
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way; ”
Appa, you are with Jesus. I love you very much and miss you.
Your Little Girl